Chris (my wonderfully perfect and ridiculously patient) husband and I decided it was time to have "one more." While the original question was more than likely if we wanted to open another bottle of wine (yes please...), the subsequent outcome of the proceeding conversation resulted in the decision to have one more child....
Our daughter was about to turn two; and by the sheer grace of God was the absolute best baby in the world. Sure, you may doubt me on this, but let me tell you...the girl is amazing. Sleeping thru the night at three months old; totally happy and overall scored off the charts on the adorablility scales. How much more fun would it be to have another little bean to snuggle with; to watch grow; and re-watch Baby Einstein "Baby Beethoven" 90,000 more times with?
We found out we were pregnant; and although excited...its also seriously terrifying. So this was really going to happen now...The pregnancy was confirmed by our OB; and the preparations began.
I started to notice something "felt" different with this pregnancy almost right away...I was so nauseous I couldn't lift my head off a pillow, food was a total no-go; and yet the beauty of dry heaving never ceased to amaze me. I was sick with Maddie, but this was way beyond what I felt before. Oh...I also had to work 50+ hours a week and hide my "condition." Not so much fun...Another glorious signal was the rapidly expanding size of my midsection. So; I of course knew that you show faster with your second than your first, but this was a bit out of control...My mom, surely trying to be sensitive, said that I looked "bigger,,," Just what you want to hear...
We had our 18-week ultrasound to determine if our little nausea machine was to be a girl (as I swore it was) or a boy ...Much to our surprise; the ultrasound determined that we were having twins...And twin boys at that... Since I'm a bit of a smart ass, no one believed us when we told them the results; but the families were so excited to have not one, but two new arrivals to anticipate in mid-September. As a result of the twin pregnancy; our OB referred us to a perinatal practice who specializes in multiples for a more "complete" ultrasound evaluation.
Chris had to attend a training on the day of the Dr's visit; so my mom volunteered to go with me. As we begin the ultrasound; the first image on the screen was three (yes...three) very clear circles.... In my typically uncensored way, I blurted out "Is that THREE in there??" The ultrasound tech (bless her heart) was unaware that we were unaware I was carrying triplets...Oh yes, and all boys. My first thoughts vascilated between figuring out where the hidden camera was, and panic...once we confirmed there were three babies; all I cared about was that all three were healthy and safe...I can tell you now that my life changed the moment those three little men appeared on the LCD TV in the darkened ultrasound room. Sure; twins was one thing; but THREE babies... there were no words.
Of course, panic eventually led way to excitement; and every subsequent Dr's appointment a) did not show any more babies in my belly and b) the babies were growing and progressing beautifully. We found we were to expect a set of identical twins; and a fraternal twin I came to affectionately refer to as my "lone ranger," as he became the explorer of my rib cage and was the largest of the baby boys I immediately love.
As my pregnancy progressed, my physical condition and overall comfort worsened. I developed preeclampsia in my first pregnancy; and was told that with multiples on board; my risk was quite elevated...Of course, I noticed my feet and legs beginning to swell, then noticing my face becoming a bit puffy...and increasingly so. As we moved thru the six and seventh month; my feet were so swollen no shoe on the planet would fit them; and my ankles had disappeared completely and now my entire leg was the width of my thighs (which, not to be left out; had also massively increased in size). "Cankles" (the affectionate term given by men and skinny women to denote the merging of the calf and ankle into one entity and body part) be damned... I had full on "Thankles;" which, as you can guess based upon the previous description; was the total elimination of any definition of ankle, calf, knee or thigh. They had all swollen together into one huge, edema-inflated pain in the ass (story for another time...).
So, all of this discomfort and subsequent bitchiness (sorry Chris); was indeed for a good cause..the babies looked amazing. Our goal was to make it to 32 weeks...
My last day of work was July 4th, or day 1 of week 28. I had a Dr's appointment on the 5th, and left the appointment with admission orders to the hospital for bed rest. My blood pressure was off the charts, and protein had been found in my urine...We were admitted to Banner Good Sam and hoped to "wait it out" for a few more weeks...
Of course, no such luck...my blood pressure rose steadily despite no activity...I gained over 40 pounds in 3 days in water weight alone... breathing became difficult; and no matter how much damn water I drank; nothing came out. I could hardly sleep, felt like shit; and honestly; wanted these babies out as much as I wanted to keep them in...
I awoke from an Ambien induced sleep on the morning of July 10th and felt like a giant weight was crushing my chest... Taking a deep breath was impossible; and this damn headache would not subside...my blood pressure continued to rise, fluid intake was increased; output did not...I was placed on oxygen to up my pulse oxygen levels; but to no avail... A nurse came in to pad my bed in case I began having seizures (not a comforting thought...) When the shift change occurred from day to night; a nurse who had not seen me in a few days noticed the fact I looked like death warmed over and pushed for the attending physician to see me...My lungs had begun to fill with fluid as a result of the preeclampsia. Next thing I know; my room was invaded by medical personnel prepping me for delivery. My heath had degenerated so quickly; that remaining pregnant placed an immediate threat on my life. The babies would have to arrive much earlier than expected. And I will carry that guilt with me for the rest of my life...
After what I thought would have been the scariest moment of my life; I was rushed to the OR with 40 of my new, closest medical friends and (thank god) an anesthesiologist.
Liam Matthew Bylow (aka: the Lone Ranger); Timothy James Bylow and Graeme Patrick Bylow were born at 10:51pm, 10:52pm and 10:53pm on July 10th. Although premature, they were little wonder babies...
Admitted to the NICU, I felt relieved that my baby boys were all born alive; all born as healthy as possible; and at that point; I thanked God for providing me these miracle baby boys....
July 10th was the last time my babies were ever in the same room, at the same time, and same place as Chris and I... July 10th was the birth of my little men. For eleven days; God let me see them, touch them and hold the dream that I would exit those hospital doors with three little babies packed carefully into their brand-new preemie car seats and secured safely into the brand new car we had to purchase to accommodate our rapid family expansion.
July 20th, I again prayed and thanked God for the health and blessing of my unexpectedly sizable family...
Upon receiving a call that Liam had become seriously ill overnight on the morning of July 21st, and that our presence was requested ASAP bedside; I prayed every prayer I knew...every Hail Mary, every Apostles Creed; and every Our Father that could be said was said; and in between these prayers I looked over at my stoic husband; frantically driving down the 51 to get to the hospital; all the while I'm alternately praying and begging God not to take my baby, rocking in a nearly catatonic state as I continued to pray....
We pulled up to the hospital valet, I threw myself out of the car and ran towards the NICU. I knew the moment I ran around the corner and saw all of the nurses in tears outside of my babies room...
I lost my faith in God that morning, July 21st at 9:11am. That was the day he took my baby and didn't let me say good-bye. That was the moment I knew I would have to bury my lone ranger...I felt my legs give out as I dropped to the floor in tears as the nurses held my dead baby in their arms.
My life, the life that had grown inside me; the life I gave birth to; was now gone...
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